Pucker Up and Gimmie Some Sugah
by KinkyEyepatchShit
Summary: "Eat me, Heine-chan." All Heine wanted was to sleep in and not have to deal with retarded red haired cyclopses. Alas, someone hates the zombiewannabe. Not that its undeserved or anything of the sort. This tale of love and experimentation will warm the soul


Disclaimer: Some original and creative witty statement about not owning DOGS goes here a.k.a I don't own it, broskis!

AN: It's…been a really fucking long time since I've written for DOGS and I've really really missed it. Thanks to a certain tyrant blessing me with a really lulz worthy prompt, I've got my foot in the door again, maybe, hopefully. Uh, the usual warnings of lulz and faggotry apply for this fic, though it's probably a lot more tame than my older shit. Uh, enjoy!

**Pucker Up and Gimmie Some Sugah**

One early morning, Heine Rammsteiner's hazy mind suddenly registered the irritatingly erratic sensation of the bed beneath his thin frame shaking. From beneath the warm depths of the covers he dazedly entertained the idea of an earthquake, but his hopes and dreams were promptly shat upon once a sickingly [and unconvincing bullshit creepy, like nails through his nads] voice cooed, "_Oi, zombiefuck, rise and shine, I got a proposition for ya that I know ya won't refuse~_!" A warm burst of air arched across his uncovered ear, sending a shiver down his spine.

A growl gathering in his throat, Heine lashed out with one fist, catching his aggravator somewhere in the abdomen, judging by the wheezy gasp that followed.

"Motherfucker," Badou hissed, yanking the covers away from his companion in retaliation, his single eye burning with rage, upper lip curled like some sort of mangy mutt. [ Ha. _Ha_]

"_Fuck_, what the hell do you _want_," Heine groaned, arms flung over his eyes to keep out the light [but not before delivering brutal retribution in the form of a titty twister that left the other man whimpering like a child].

"Eat me, Heine." Badou declared, the tears at the corners of his eye only adding to the stupidly serious look on his face.

Heine lay there for a good minute until he slowly lowered one arm in order to peer at Badou from beneath the gap, expression blank. [Though there was that normal furiously bemused sexually frustrated glint swimming in his eyes]

"What," Heine finally returned, eyebrows shooting up to damn near his hairline.

Badou took advantage [nothing new here, folks] of his partners confusion and saddled up to him, but not too close, for he and his nipples were well aware of the damage those super crack baby hands could unleash. "Eat me, Heine-chan," he huskily pleaded, [In reality he sounded like he had a wad of something stuck up his ass, to be frank] jaw squared as if the very severity of the statement actually registered. Obviously it did not, seeing as Badou is himself and Heine is a violent asshole.

The two engaged in a silent staring contest, looking deep into each others souls. [But not too deep, that'd be gay].

"Badou," Heine began the tedious task of shooting down one of the pillow biters retarded schemes. "There are many, many things I'll be involved in when it comes to your body, my fist mostly, but," his gaze hardened [among other things, but now isn't the time to be admitting to violent bone rations] "there is no fucking way on this goddamn planet that that will include my mouth and your ass. Fuck off before I fuck your face."

He then pondered the location of his guns and calculated the amount of time he had to retrieve them [ only good doggies know how to play fetch] before the dildo brain could hightail it out the door. [Heine knew he was fast, but after a few incidents he would never again underestimated the cock-out-and-flee tactic of a fire crotch]

Badou could only gape, brows furrowed worriedly, [concerned for his booty hole, no doubt] open mouth pulled so wide one could fit a tank in there. [Or an appropriately placed cock] "Wh…what the fuck are ya talkin' about?" he bellowed, voice drowning in an edge of hysteria with furious arm gestures to match. "Why would I **possibly** want anything of yours in the vicinity of my supple ass? That's your fuckin' job for my dick! Fucking sick perverted shit [ probably learned from that lolicon, ugh, I-I don't even wanna think about it]!"

As Heine sneakily groped for the guns he distinctly recalled were hidden under his pillow, Badou produced a plastic baggie filled with a white, powdery substance and waved it in the air. "This! I want ya to lick this offa me!" The horrified look promptly morphed into a sleazy grin, complete with lust-filled eye and twitching fingers which caressed the seal of the baggie gleefully. The cigarette perched in the corner of his mouth bobbed. "I've heard [an' by that I mean watched a porno] that it feels real good."

"You don't have the cast to feed your goddamn fish, but somehow you have the funds for crack? For shame, Eyepatch-sama." Heine deadpanned, going as far as shaking his head and tutting, much like a disappointed mother.

"God, your shitty quips really rock my jollies, you've no idea," Badou retorted [half] sarcastically, wagging a loose fist above his crotch then flinging his fingers apart in a jazzing motion. Tearing the bag open [but not without a great battle for supremacy against the clasp, always a doozie], he stuck a dirty finger inside, gathered a few grains, and thinking nothing of the danger of losing a limb, popped the digit into Heine's mouth. Much to his chagrin, the albino lapped at the offending finger and offered Badou a grimace. "Its…." he slurred around the counterproductive taste of sweetness and grime.

"Sugar," Badou chirped, grin as wide and cocky as the ocean [before the various nosey governments pulled the plug on that tub] and just as wet. "And I do feed the fishy fucker," he grumbled under his breath. Then as an after-after thought, "Don't fuckin' call me that when we're about to have kinky sex, bastard." A sharp pain blazed through his finger, resulting in the breakneck abort of plan S and his finger from Heine's mouth. With one glance at the smirk spread across Heine's lips and his bloody finger tip, Badou had a pretty good idea what happened. [the fucker was licking his lips too, _ass_.]

"When did you last bathe?" Heine inquired in monotone.

Badou blinked, the wounded sulky expression faltered and was quickly replaced with a contemplative frown that didn't suit one of his mental capabilities, Heine mused. "Uhhm…Iunno…sometime last week or so? How come ya wanna know ya nosey ass?" Badou huffed, folding his arms across his chest.

The covers were whipped back over Heine's head in response. "Welp, nice clue gathering Scooby, you've cracked this mystery wise open," came the muffled response. "But if you want a Scooby snack, I supposed you deserve it. Later, though."

Scowling, Badou grabbed a corner of the blanket and tugged, snarling, "Did ya really just make a shitty Scooby Doo joke? Seriously ya lame dick cheese? Fuck you, I ain't even that dirty!" At each new point spewed from his lips [accompanying the spittle] the redhead gave a savage tug at the blanket, though Heine definitely wasn't making his effort easy in the slightest. [One thing Badou could admit about his partner: he wasn't easy in any fucking aspect]

"Not gonna happen," Heine harrumphed from below.

Silence reigned supreme.

That is until Badou successfully wrenched the covers off Heine for the second time that day and thrust the baggie of sugar at him, resulting in a truly mature display of tug of war between two butt pirates.

"Do it, asshole!"

"If you wanna get licked so bad get a fucking cat!"

"Aw, but I'm more of a dog kinda guy myself!"

"You won't be so hard up on a mutt when I bite your dick off, motherfucker!"

As all good things must come to an end, so did the most noble fight between grown ass men. Something gave, that being the bag of sugar, [and Heine's patience, but been there, fucked that], exploding open in a dusty, white cloud and showering them both in sweet, sweet loser status.

Badou met Heine's stony gaze and said, "Now look what you did, snowflake." He was rewarded with a warm hand shoved against his face, painfully squashing his nose as he was cast aside. Forced to flail idiotically for balance, he shrieked, "Get the fuck offa me, I ain't like that, man!"

Heine snorted. "_Ain't like that_ my ass. Literally." He stood on half-asleep legs and stretched, eyeing the powder dusting his already pale enough skin with disdain. "Shit. Now I'm gonna have to take a shower. Again. Thanks a lot, dip shit." Ignoring the pouting redhead, he leaned in so close he could feel the heat radiating off Badou's skin, smirked, and licked a patch of sugar off the exposed collar bone.

Badou shuddered, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth to bite down a groan and rasped, "W-what….way to send mixed the fuck up signals, tramp burger, I thought ya didn't wanna participate like a good student?"

Heine shot him a wry smirk. "I'm feeling a little generous. If you clean up a bit, maybe I'll consider your extra credit." With that, he strolled out the door, a [constantly] gawking Badou in his wake.

It took him two minutes to figure it out.

"_Oh!" He took off in a sprint. [ Incidents that call for exercise: fleeing and romping] "Wait up, shithead! Don't use up all the hot water without me!"_


End file.
